i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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