She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
