i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
