How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
