Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
