They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
