it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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