hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
