I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
