he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love having hate sex.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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