I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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