theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
