I can text with my tongue
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize