sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
