i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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