somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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