To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
