i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
