This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
