I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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