we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
