A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
