Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
