LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
