Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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