Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
