with your own penis?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
