and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
two words: eviction party
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
