And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
