That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I deserve this hangover.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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