My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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