never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize