8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
