oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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