i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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