I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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