I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
