Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
