god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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