Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
