I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
