mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
