you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
