It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
