dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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