I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
