The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
