Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
