i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
