so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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