i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
