New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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