Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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