I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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