is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You are the jesus of drinking
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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