just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
