Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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