Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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