I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
