I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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