i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
