Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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