the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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